This post is videos of skinny lesbians having hot sex with strap-onpart of Mashable's Spring Cleaning Week. Just a little something to distract you from the eternal dread of constantly wiping all those fingerprints off your screen.
Aaaahhh! Spring is finally here (I think?) after what feels like approximately a million years of winter in the northeast thanks to a bomb cyclone, a nor'easter, whatever the hell a bombogenesis is, oh look another nor'easter, plot twist: a third nor'easter. HOPE Y'ALL REALLY LOVE NOR'EASTERS BECAUSE WE GOT YET ANOTHER ONE.
Fortunately with the new season comes the opportunity to break out of hibernation, face the sun, and, as Maxine Waters would say, 👏 reclaim 👏 our 👏 time. 👏
SEE ALSO: People are sharing selfies from 2012 and now, because the glow up is too realThe traditional means of refreshing ourselves after the winter is with a little bit of spring cleaning. You know, shaking the dust from your rugs, throwing out those old VHS tapes you have lying around because really, why do you still have VHS tapes?, and donating those old clothes you no longer wear.
But 2018 is a whole new year. So don't spring clean. Spring glow up instead.
For the uninitiated, a Glow Up is when you re-do your whole damn life for the better. The (always comprehensive and authoritative) Urban Dictionary defines the phrase as "to go from the bottom to the top, to the point of disbelief."
More specifically, it is to go from the inching-along caterpillar to the majestic butterfly. It is, in Pokémon terms, to evolve from "Magikarp used Splash" to "Gyarados is about to wreck your ish with Hyper Beam."
Think of it as a supercharged makeover, but instead of being on the surface, it's *gestures broadly at everything.
*For the uninitiated, a glow up is when you re-do your whole damn life.
That means it can take many forms. For instance, in 2018, we haven't been able to stop talking about the meteoric glow up of Cardi B, who went from stripper to platinum-record selling, Billboard #1 charting, millionaire rap icon. Yes, her glow up included a style evolution, but it was really about the hard work that brought her fame, fortune, and success. ("I took pictures with Beyoncé, I met Mama Knowles / I'm the rose that came from the concrete in the Rolls / I'm like gold, I'm life goals, man, I'm chosen, I'm floatin', ayy," Cardi B raps on her new song "Best Life.")
You don't have to be rich and famous to have one. Earlier in 2018, people shared their 6-year glow ups by posting selfies from 2012 vs. 2018. That's the whole premise of the "If you don't love me at my"/ "you don't deserve me at my" meme.
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At this point, spring cleaning alone feels simple and trite, like a relic of yesteryear. As the Washington Postnoted in 2010, the concept began as a necessary tradition. Keeping things tidy is difficult in winter, and, in the old days, the technology that allowed us to get through the cold also generated dirt that we later needed to clean up.
"Because homes used to be lit with whale oil or kerosene and heated with wood or coal, the winter months left a layer of soot and grime in every room." the Postexplains. "With the arrival of spring, women would throw open windows and doors, and take rugs and bedding outside and beat dust out of them and start scrubbing floors and windows until sparkling."
At this point, like those kerosene lamps, spring cleaning is outdated. Sure, tidying up is nice and makes a place more comfortable. But thanks to modern technology, intense cleaning doesn't have to be seasonal. When the snow begins to thaw, flowers start to bloom, and the sun shines a bit brighter, rather than simply shaking dust from our carpets, we can focus on more substantive changes.
You've been meaning to go back to the gym. Do it. Wanna catch up with all those old friends you haven't seen as you've been hiding from the cold? Text 'em up and make plans. Thinking of trying a new hairstyle or adding a new staple to your wardrobe? Collect that tax refund money (another perk of spring, at least for some) and upgrade yo self. Spring is a time for renewal, and that's what your spring glow up is all about.
"People hear cleaning and they think 'work.' But they hear glow up and they think *raised eyebrows, excited wiggling*" said a friend and colleague.
You made it through winter. You survived the million years of cold. Don't treat yourself by doing MORE work. Treat yourself by living your best damn life.
Don't just spring clean. ✨🌟✨Rock that spring glow up. ✨🌟✨
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