A tortoise in San Antonio is amateur mothef in law sex videosbeing blamed for a fire that spread to a neighboring home, causing an estimated $150,000 in damage.
The tortoise's motives remain unclear.
SEE ALSO: For the love of charity, look at these dog belliesAccording to Fox 29 San Antonio the reptilian suspect is 15 years old, his name is Bits and he weighs about 120 pounds.
Bits reportedly knocked down a heat lamp in his outdoor enclosure around midnight on January 10, starting a fire that spread to a neighboring home. The family in the burned home had to evacuate but was unharmed. Bits himself suffered minor burns to his shell but nothing serious.
Since the tortoise had nothing to gain monetarily by starting the fire, we must assume it was a reckless love for the flame that inspired his late night pyromania.
That or, like, it was just a dumb tortoise bumping into a lamp. Who can know?