Update 12/5 5:45 pm ET: This list has been updated to include more men's apologies.
A certain incensed line of questioning is ????? ??? ??????? ????????starting to take shape in the cultural conversation around harassment -- and we need to put an end to it right now.
For the first time, somepowerful men are suffering consequences for repeated sexual misconduct, then issuing publicist-approved apologies. And then a good amount of people think that's that, and ask the rest of us: What more do you want?What else do you expect? What more can he do if he's already apologized?
But the underlying, unspoken message embedded in these questions is:Get over it. Stop complaining. Let the world go on as it always was.
The answer to what we want is simple, though apparently nearly impossible for certain people to comprehend. We demand justice. We expect accountability. Apologies are not enough. And we do not care if justice comes at a personal cost to predators.
SEE ALSO: Please stop applauding Louis C.K. for doing the bare minimumLouis C.K., Matt Lauer, Al Franken, Geraldo Rivera, Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein -- none of the sorrow, regret, or embarrassment outlined in their apologies began with realizing they were hurting people. It began when their hurting people became public.
"It began when their hurting people became public."
And if you look very closely at their apologies, they're not done hurting people yet either.
As the latest to publish the same, now disturbingly familiar kinda culpa, Matt Lauer is a perfect example of the damage predatory men can inflict while apologizing. Because each one of these apologies ensures that the accused's ass is legally covered, often by slyly placing the blame back onto their victims. Or, most insidiously, purposefully blurring the boundaries of consent. I'm sorry, they seem to say, but you just don't know the other side of the story.
Just look:
1) Matt Lauer regrets that his victims are now hurting the people he cherishes.
"Some of what is being said about me is untrue or mischaracterized, but there is enough truth in these stories to make me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I regret that my shame is now shared by the people I cherish dearly."
2) Louis C.K. claims he asked for consent, implying victims just admired him so much they just couldn't say no.
"Thesestories are true. At the time, I said to myself that what I did was okay because I never showed a woman my dick without asking first, which is also true.But what I learned later in life, too late, is that when you have power over another person, asking them to look at your dick isn’t a question. It’s a predicament for them. The power I had over these women is that they admired me."
Protesters at a Me Too rally tin Los Angeles, California Credit: Ronen Tivony/NurPhoto via Getty Images) 3) Harvey Weinstein is so remorseful toward the people he hurt that he doesn't bother asking them if he deserves a second chance.
"I want a second chance in the community, but I know I’ve got work to do to earn it. I have goals that are now priorities. Trust me, this isn’t an overnight process. I’ve been trying to do this for 10 years, and this is a wake-up call. I cannot be more remorseful about the people I hurt, and I plan to do right by all of them."
4) Kevin Spacey's sorry he likes to get drunk. Also: He's gay!
"I honestly do not remember the encounter, it would have been over 30 years ago. But if I did behave then as he describes, I owe him the sincerest apology for what would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior... This story has encouraged me to address other things about my life... I have loved and had romantic encounters with men throughout my life, and I choose now to live as a gay man."
5) Al Franken's sorry for being a warm and friendly person.
"I’ve met tens of thousands of people and taken thousands of photographs, often in crowded and chaotic situations ... I’m a warm person; I hug people. I’ve learned from recent stories that in some of those encounters, I crossed a line for some women."
6) Geraldo Rivera is embarrassed by how many consenting female conquests he's had.
"27 years ago I wrote a tawdry book depicting consensual events in 1973 – 45 years ago – I’ve deeply regretted its distasteful & disrespectful tone & have refrained from speaking about it – I’m embarrassed & profoundly sorry to those mentioned – I have & again apologize to anyone offended. Although I recall the time @BetteMidler has alluded to much differently than she, that does not change the fact that she has a right to speak out & demand an apology from me, for in the very least, publically [sic] embarrassing her all those years ago. Bette, I apologize."
7) Danny Masterson doesn't even need to say sorry because we all know the legal system is famously great at bringing justice to rapists.
“I am obviously very disappointed in Netflix’s decision to write my character off of ‘The Ranch.’ From day one, I have denied the outrageous allegations against me. I have never been charged with a crime, let alone convicted of one. In this country, you are presumed innocent until proven guilty. However, in the current climate, it seems as if you are presumed guilty the moment you are accused. I understand and look forward to clearing my name once and for all.”
Here's my advice to those rushing to defend these redemption arcs: save your sympathy.
Until about three months ago, the expectation was that survivorsrather than perpetratorsof sexual harassment, assault and rape would be the ones who suffered the greatest consequences of an allegation.
Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable To the people (namely men) who saw this to be the natural order of things, they can barely imagine what actual justice looks like. All they know is that, as men (it's usually men), they didn't used to feel so anxious or threatened by the opposite sex all the time. Before, they never had to worry about being condemned by the court of public opinion. You know, like how survivorsof harassment and assault usually feel and get treated.
But now, for what seems like the first time, a few men are getting a taste of their own medicine And they cannot get over the injustice of it all.
To those born with the privilege of a world built for their success and protection, justice can feel unjust. It can feel like your words and account of the events in question will not be heard or believed. It can feel like you are being put under unfounded scrutiny. It can feel like there is no way to regain your lost dignity. It can feel like there's no longer a safe place for you in this world.
In short, this cultural reckoning is making a lot of predatory men feel like the people they victimized.
But for those survivors -- like one of Weinstein's rape accusers, Rose McGowan -- there is no recovering your career or personal life for the crime of speaking out. Yet something tells me that a good deal of these men and their half-assed apologies will do just fine in due time.
The countdown to the comeback tour begins.
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