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Forget,conjoined twins sex video just for a moment, that Donald Trump exists. Forget you ever heard a delusional uncle share his latest counterfactual conspiracy theory on Hillary Clinton.

Imagine that there standing before us in this election is a far less convoluted choice, between two people who fit way more comfortably into the standard debate format. The standard-issue gray-haired politician on the political left meets the prep school headmaster type on the right.

Almost refreshingly boring, isn't it?

Let's pretend Indiana Gov. Mike Pence and Virginia Sen. Tim Kaine, the Republican and Democratic nominees for vice president, are actually at the top of the ticket. And Tuesday night is your only opportunity to hear what they have to say to each other.

Now, this isn't literally true -- although the actuarial tables would tell us that given the age of the presidential contenders, there's a not insignificant chance that their Veep candidates would have to stand in. (Trump is the oldest candidate to ever run for president; Clinton is the third oldest.)

But there are a number of good reasons to think of the debate this way while you watch it. Firstly, these men are the only real answers we have so far to the all-important question: What kind of person would Trump or Clinton appoint to important government positions?

Secondly, it may be literally true in Pence's case. If Trump wins, Pence may be president in all but name. We'll get to that.

But the most important reason is this: With the state of presidential politics right now, Americans are bouncing around like kids alternating between sugar highs and sugar crashes.

Our nerves are frayed. We're following tiny developments in fight-or-flight mode. A single tweet can make us scream at the top of our lungs at each other on social media. But for the sake of America's future, we need to think calmly. We must temper the temperature of our rhetoric. We must stop the unfriending.

In the words of Abraham Lincoln's second inaugural: "Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection." Or to put it in modern parlance: everyone needs to chill out on both sides of the fence. Sit down and watch a boring policy discussion between two boring old men.

Eat your vegetables, America, and stop sugar crashing.

Why Trump could make Pence president in all but name

Back during the Republican National Convention The New York Timesreported that Donald Trump Jr. had made overtures to Ohio Gov. John Kasich back in May, asking if he wanted to become "the most powerful vice president in history:"

When Kasich’s adviser asked how this would be the case, Donald Jr. explained that his father’s vice president would bein charge of domestic and foreign policy.

Then what, the adviser asked, would Trump be in charge of?

“Making America great again,” was the casual reply.

Trump Jr. has denied making the offer, saying the quote makes him sound like a "meathead." (No comment.) And even if he did make the offer, it's entirely possible it was simply a lure to keep Kasich sweet on working under Trump, who he had criticized during the Republican primary, and that Trump fully intends to take a firm hand in government.

But the offer certainly tracks with what we know about Trump. This is not a man who likes to sweat the details, to put it charitably. He enjoys the trappings of fame and power: the big planes, the crowds, the ceremonies, the gold furniture. The messy business of actually governing? Not so much.

And that would be a golden opportunity for a more seasoned vice president -- much the way Dick Cheney took command of the George W. Bush administration, only much, much worse.

Trump doesn't have to even make an explicit offer to his Veep. He would likely be the most checked-out president in history either way.

We learned from his ghost writer on the Art of the Dealthat Trump becomes bored and listless during interviews, and that he doesn't seem to read books. Then there was the deposition in which Trump talks about mistakes made in several of his books by Meredith McIver, supposedly the source of the Michelle Obama plagiarism in Melania Trump's speech. (Remember that? About 50,000 scandals ago?)

Trump wasn't aware of these mistakes, he said, because he hadn't thoroughly read the books. The books with his name on them. In terms of government, Pence would be Trump's McIver.

Does that mean Trump won't stake out his own positions on the major domestic and foreign issues of the day? Of course he will have his pet policies. His activism in changing the GOP platform's language on Russia -- about the only thing he changed -- suggests he will steer a very pro-Putin course, no matter what his advisers and VP think.

But heck, Trump doesn't even care enough to come up with his own preferred Supreme Court nominees; he has already outsourced that work to the hyper-conservative Heritage Foundation. That leaves Pence with a golden opportunity to become Cheney on steroids.

What Kaine needs to say

For these reasons, the pressure here is mostly on Kaine -- because this is the only chance the senator will have to unmask the man who might be president.

If Kaine goes after Pence on Trump's flaws alone, he loses.

Pence simply has to turn in the same kind of aw-shucks performance Tuesday that he offered at the RNC -- a speech so low-key that he was instantly overshadowed by Ted Cruz. He has to be a nonentity.

Pence needs to look this way, because he is the most extremist politician on any ticket in modern memory. As a VP candidate, he makes Sarah Palin look liberal.

Here's a brief list of everything Pence is against: Science (he doesn't believe cigarettes kill); Climate change (doesn't exist); Evolution (ditto); Abortion under any circumstances (he wants to force woman to bury their fetuses, a position too extreme for most pro-life groups); LGBTQ rights (remember Indiana's hideous pro-discrimination "religious freedom" bill?); public schools.

To talk about Pence's illegal and inflammatory discrimination against refugees, for which he was slapped down by a federal judge, would take another article. But suffice to say that there is no more instructive story in the present climate.

Kaine has repeatedly said this debate isn't about him, and that's true. But it is about his opponent, and we don't really mean the orange one. If he gets this right, and if you can manage to avoid the inevitable live-tweeting, we'll all be grateful for the chance to pretend these two men are actually running for president, and to forget Trump's existence.

If only for one night.