Hope everyone had fun during LGBTQ Pride month! Please be ??? ??? ??? ??? ??advised that happiness is now over. Queer wrath has arrived in its place.
The past two years have been a particularly brutal time for LGBTQ Americans. The Trump administration is seeking to remove critical health protections for the trans community. Trans students may no longer be able to go to the bathroom of their choice. Same-sex couples who believed the right to marry was here to stay are now panicked they'll lose that benefit under the new SCOTUS.
No wonder, then, that the queers of the internet have informally organized to declare July "Wrath Month." The joy of Pride month is long gone. Unleash your delightful rage instead, if only in your glorious imaginations!
SEE ALSO: All the Pride merch that tried just a little too hard this yearIf you're a member of the LGBTQ community or an ally who feels particularly aggro this summer season, please join us in celebrating Wrath Month. We came up with some (hilarious) suggestions for how. Read and rage on.
Celebrating #LGBTWrathMonth with my sword! pic.twitter.com/zz5VOSNb5W
— Sasha Feather (@sasha_feather) July 3, 2018
Happy LGBTQ+ Wrath Month everybody. pic.twitter.com/UK92Cl6SNf
— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) July 2, 2018
1. Instead of LGBTQ pride parades, plan enormous gay orgies outside of Mike Pence's house
After Trump was elected, members of the queer community organized a traveling LGBTQ dance party to appear outside of Mike Pence's various residences. That's cute, but times are darker now. We need the community to STEP UP and confront the nation's chief homophobe with mass homosexual sex.
2. Swap the rainbow flag for a burning foot-long dildo you can use to storm the White House gates
The rainbow flag has always been a bit much for those of us in the gay goth community. This month, swap out that effervescent symbol for a flamboyant, flammable torch dildo you can use when you personallytake the White House castle during the night.
3. Work to impeach Donald Trump and replace him with Bob the Drag Queen or Bette Midler after she's had too much white wine
Via GiphyIt's not enough to remove President Trump from office. The queer community must band together to find an effective replacement, preferably someone from television or film we can all recognize. Keep your comments to yourself.
4. Destroy your rainbow shot glasses and replace them with Oscars for queer icon Cynthia Nixon
Listen, she's one award away from an EGOT, and she's running a very important governor's race right now. She needs this!
5. Corporations should stop making teeny-tiny donations to LGBTQ nonprofits and instead burn the system to the ground
Via GiphyIt's probably the only thing on this list that can secure justice for the community. Forgive us for this college-level anarchist take.
6. Forego the Pride-themed party for an old-school town hall rally filled with Pantsuit Nation moms
While we still have to wait until 2020 to see any significant change, the LGBTQ community has the power to vote in their local elections and constantly keep politicians on their toes. Always ask questions, and be sure to give your elected leaders a death glare and throw glitter their way if they even try to play us.
7. Instead of LGBT-themed sparkle gear, wear LGBT-themed spikes
Fellow queers, we need to gear up. Rainbow shirts, bracelets, capes, pants, shoes, and the like are simply not enough to make the world take us seriously. It’s about time we stepped up our game with our best Marilyn Manson lewks and really showed everyone we aren’t to be pushed around.
8. Instead of vogueing in the clubs, entrap homophobes in a vogueing circle.
Via GiphyA massive aspect of club culture, vogueing came out of queer communities of color during the '80s and '90s. While it’s definitely a part of mainstream culture and is still celebrated today in clubs, it's time to take it a step further. Let’s bring a whole new meaning to the word “death drop,” and show the homophobes there's no way of escaping our fabulous vogueing skills.
9. Forget logging onto Grindr, Scruff, and other gay dating apps. Commit PDA in front of everyone at all times
Ask any LGBTQ person what it’s like to hold hands with their partner in public, and they’ll tell you that no matter where they live, it always feels like a risk. Meanwhile, we’ve grown up with heterosexual couples showing all sorts of PDA both on and off-screen. So instead of discreetly trying to find a date (and regardless of how you actually feel about PDA), let’s show the heteros we can be just as affectionate with our partners in public.
10. Take a break from your local gay bar. Bring all your LGBTQ friends to a straight bar and command the space.
Traditionally, when a straight person is brought into an LGBTQ bar, it comes with a silent invitation: “This is my safe space, behave yourself and enjoy.” When an LGBTQ person goes to a straight bar, they aren’t always guaranteed that same hospitality. In honor of LGBTQ Wrath Month, we queers should force ourselves into every heteronormative space possible and shove our queerness in everyone’s face.
Happy Wrath month, everyone! May your days be full of unrequited rage and fist pumps.