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Donald Trump's handshakes are small roufh forced anal sex videojust like Donald Trump: bizarre, aggressive and not presidential. But they sure are fun to make GIFs of.

Here is your definitive guide to all the different, bad ways Trump has shaken hands -- from that one handshake where he pulls the other person's arm to the other handshake where he pulls the other person's arm.

Observe all you want, but please -- do not try any of these at home.

The Pull-In

This is the most basic of Trump handshakes. To identify, look at the other participant -- at any point, does he or she look startled? If so, you've just seen a Pull-In.

The Shake Weight

This handshake goes the opposite direction that a handshake should go, thus resembling the motion of a Shake Weight.

Is thiswhat they meant by "soft sensuality?"

The Marathon

This is a handshake that goes on for longer than it should (in this case, 19 seconds). In this metaphor, Japanese prime minister Shinzō Abe does not want to run the marathon. He did not even sign up for a marathon. And yet.

The Evasion

This handshake is named after tax evasion.

The None-In-One

This handshake, also known as "a mistake," attempts to be a high-five and a handshake at the same time. In fact, it is neither. Cool!

The Heart Monitor

This handshake functions both as a greeting and a way for Trump to check that his heart is still beating. As they say: two birds, one handshake!

The Double Tap

Trump was told by an Instagram user that double tapping is a good way to express a positive emotion. He really ran with this.

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Pencer

A variation on the Pull-In, this method is reserved for Vice President Mike Pence.

The #NotToday

This handshake famously occurred when Trump's handshake authority was usurped by Czar of Sunshine Justin Trudeau. To identify this handshake, ask yourself: is this just a normal handshake? If so, there you have it.