A Japanese food company has made sliced mayonnaise and ?? ???? ???????? ?? ???????folks, I'd like to give it the ol' college try.
I'm not a huge mayo guy, but this idea intrigues me. Imagine: You effortlessly plop a square of floppy mayo onto a slice of bread, and presto, pal, you've got 100 percent condiment-coverage for your sandwich. Sure, you could squeeze a glop of mayo from a bottle then spread it carefully with a butter knife — live in the past, in other words — or you could drop a perfectly evenslice and move on with your life.
We were promised jetpacks (check), and now the future has gifted us something even better.
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According to Sora News, the sheeted mayo from the Japanese company Bourbon — which, delightfully, does not make booze — comes in two flavors: tuna and cod roe.
Sheeted mayo! Wonders never cease. Credit: BourBon 
Credit: Bourbon SEE ALSO: KFC teamed up with Crocs to make some seriously weird shoes Gizmodo speculated the cod roe flavor would taste like the spicy aioli that's popular in the U.S. Which... if so... let me confess, I would eat a slice of the cod roe mayo raw. I'm talking unpeeling and downing that sucker like a Kraft Single you guzzle at midnight when you're free to fully embrace the slob at your soul's core. Spicy mayo is undefeated and I would happily ingest it in congealed form.
The slices are set to go on sale in Japan in March for about $1.80 for a four-pack. An absolute steal for a scientific breakthrough. Bourbon also announced sweet sheets: a new version of its chocolate slices and an apple butter slice with white chocolate.
Fine, sounds good, but first, let me get a slice of mayo ASAP.